beauty and makeup tips!
- simple ways to get clear skin
- tips for clear skin
- perfect skin
- maintaining clear skin
- smokey eyes?? easy
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- flawless eyeliner
- makeup hacks
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- eye makeup
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ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS LISTEN UP.
YOU SEE THAT SHIT UP THERE THAT’S FUCKING CHOCOLATE LAVA CAKE
DO YOU WANT TO MAKE A CAKE COVERED IN HOT GOOEY CHOCOLATE FROSTING IN LESS THAN 15 MINUTES?
THE CORRECT ANSWER IS A VIKING WAR CRY AS YOU CHARGE INTO BATTLE.
STEP 1: COMPLETE A VIRGIN SACRIFICE. (SATAN MUST BE PRESENT BECAUSE THIS CAKE IS SO DELICIOUS IT’S PROBABLY A SIN.)
STEP 2: PREPARE GENERIC BOX CAKE RECIPE ACCORDING TO BOX DIRECTIONS. BACK TO THE CLASSICS MOTHERFUCKER. MIX USING THE SPINE OF YOUR ENEMIES.
STEP 3: POUR INTO A LARGE MICROWAVESAFE CONTAINER (LARGER THE BETTER, BUT IT NEEDS TO BE DEEPER THAN THE MARIANAS TRENCH FOR OPTIMAL LAVA)
STEP 4: TAKE A SMALL TUB OF GENERIC FROSTING FROM YOUR LOCAL SUPERMARKET OF SIN. SWIPE A MACHETE AROUND THE INSIDE OF THE TUB LOOSENING THE WHOLE TUB FROM THE SIDES AND PLOP INTO MIDDLE OF YOUR CAKE BATTER. DO NOT MIX.
STEP 5: PUT INTO MICROWAVE FOR EIGHT MINUTES AND SET THE TABLE USING CHINA YOU RAIDED FROM WEAKER VILLAGES.
STEP 6: REMOVE FROM MICROWAVE AND LET SIT FOR ABOUT THIRTY SECONDS. THIS IS BEST SERVED MOLTEN LAVA HOT ACCENTUATED WITH THE TASTE OF BLISTERS ON YOUR TONGUE.
STEP 7: GET A SERVING DISH WITH A LIP THAT CURVES UPWARD SO LAVA DOES NOT OVERFLOW AND PLACE UPSIDE DOWN ON TOP OF CAKE AND FLIP OVER.
STEP 8: LIFT SLOWLY, COOKED CAKE WILL SIT ON PLATE AND LIQUID FROSTING WILL SPILL OVER SIDES.
STEP 9: CELEBRATE WITH VICTORY SEX.
STEP 10: EAT.
IF YOU’RE ONE OF THOSE GORGEOUS FUCKERS WHO DON’T ACTUALLY LIKE SEX, YOU CAN SUBSTITUTE WITH AGGRESSIVE CUDDLING OR NEON-COLORED POST-IT NOTES FULL OF ADMIRATION FOR SOMEONE’S EXISTENCE.
did fuckingrecipes just equalize this post for the asexual population gallifrey bless fuckingrecipes
HEY LOOK AN IMPORTANT POST PLEASE READ
Tumblr’s come through for me really hard in the past, so here’s to hoping you guys can do so again!
This is my Auntie Karen. I call her my aunt though we have no technical blood relation — she’s been a friend of the family since before I was born. Essentially, she’s filled the grandmother role in my life.
She is almost seventy years old and retired from teaching a few years ago. As you might know, teaching doesn’t pay particularly well. Right now she’s struggling hard to pay her rent and pay for food and her cats, working part-time jobs when she can and pretty much living day-to-day.
Auntie Karen can also bead like a motherfucker.
She has literally hundreds of beaded creations lying around her house, so I convinced her to open an Etsy shop to make some pocket change. (I’m handling the listing of products since she isn’t great with computers. All the products are purely made by her, though.)
The top image is one of her bracelets. Every single one of those little shimmers you see is an individual bead. There are hundreds strung together just so to create that pattern.
Here are a few other items you can find in her shop right now:
LOOK HOW GORGEOUS THESE EARRINGS ARE WTF
TINY DARLING ANGEL EARRINGS
LOOK SOME EARRINGS TO MATCH THE HEADER IMAGE
WOW PRETTY SPARKLY BLUE BEADS
THIS IS AN ADORABLE CAT PIN
AND FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR CUTE PLACES TO STORE THEIR TREASURES —
In the coming few days there’s going to be dozens more crafts listed on her Etsy shop. This is a start. Most items are priced between 10 and 25 US dollars (honestly underpriced for the amount of work that goes into them). The exception is the header bracelet, which is 50.
Currently she can only ship to people in the US.
It would be great if you could signal boost this so that people can see it. And if you’re in the US and have a little extra cash to spend, please take a few minutes to peruse her shop and see if you like anything! I guarantee that all of her work is long-lasting and beautiful, and she could really use the money it would bring in.
Here is her shop. Thanks for reading all this and have a lovely day!
She made her first sale today and has been dancing around all day beaming with delight and exclaiming, “I can buy cat food! I can buy toilet paper now!”
She’s so excited && it’s really cute. Thanks so much to everybody who has reblogged & continues to share this.